Bloop

Main article: Bloop

Ever been really bored? Like so F-ing bored you spend long moments with your service revolver in your mouth contemplating the relative entertainment value to be found in your own oblivion? Well, Wikipedia has got your back. No, not on offing yourself (although if you do that spectacularly enough you can totally count on getting your own article) rather, keeping you amused with strange, cryptic articles.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Not every short, cryptic article is very fun, despite their fun titles (see poothole for example). Still, with a little looking, some sweet gems turn up. One of the finest, in this author's humble opinion, comes from the frightening underworld lurking deep within cold, remote seas. It’s a mystery sound, known as the “Bloop”. The name being a bit of an onomatopoeia that, while fairly ambiguous, sounds better then “gassy baby in bathwater”.

Why is this sound so awesome? Well, out of context, it really isn’t. It sounds like, uh, a bloop. It’s only when you consider that the sound’s profile fits something “animal in origin” and its many times more powerful then the loudest animal sound in the world, can you really appreciate the mental images of giant kraken or monstrous eels that spring to mind.

This is one artist's rendition of what may be responsible for the "bloop"

and his rather negative appearing interaction with santa.

Personally, I acoustically like the slow down even better, as it sounds creeper to me, (or maybe just like a jet landing) leaving your imagination to paint the picture of some giant demon clawing his way to the earth's surface. If you find all these sounds fascinating, hit the “list of unexplained sounds” article to really get the most from your evening.

Truthfully though, this article brings up a bit of an auxiliary issue. We’re trusting scientists that this sound is really as magical as they say it is. I don’t know about you, but part of me thinks someone at NOAA is playing a little joke on us.

I mean, we all remember the moon landing conspiracy, right? Well I guess a lot of readers, and myself, don't actually remember the moon landing, but countless textbooks of told us of the hilarity that ensued when NASA pranked both the Russians and the American people. Obvious, the hippies at NOAA aren’t going to have that same kind of budget, but whose to say that NOAA wouldn’t do something on a much more small scale?

Look, all I’m saying is we need to be careful here. Otherwise we could end up buying into another "well to hell" recording, and no one wants that. :P

Just going by the sounds shown, hell is about as harrowing as a rollercoaster. :\