If you grew up playing a large amount of fantasy role-playing games, you probably should have spent more time playing outside.
No, not those kind of roleplaying games.
Since it’s obviously far too late to change that now, we ought to focus on the few good things that came out of those impressionable years. One such waste of brain cells, is that you now have a firm understanding of the fictional, universal power known as “magic”. Magic, in this sense, is wayyy different then how your more accepted peers conceive of it. They tend to think of things like cheesy card-tricks or man regurgitating dozens of interlinked colored handkerchiefs. Booooring
You however, know that magic can also mean cool shit too, like making yourself invisible (physically, not just socially), shooting fire or lightening out of your magic staff (or wand, or rod, or similar phallic object) and using charm spells to bind sexy nymphs/elves/faeries to your dark whims.
Tragically, you’re also very aware that this magic doesn’t actually exist in anything outside of a Lord of the Rings movie, and that if it did, humanity could have perhaps perfected by now and put an end to all suffering and world hunger. More importantly, you, seething with the raw powers you would have undoubtedly mastered, would have certainly gotten a lot more tail.
Yes, this is all very depressing, but I’m happy to report that, for once, mother nature has got your back on one of the awesome things that you probably thought was just an end-boss attack on a Final Fantasy game: A firewhirl, sometimes called a fire tornado. That’s right, it’s an F-ing tornado made out of fire! And just when you thought weather was all boring stuff like earthquakes, volcanoes, and tsunamis.Booooring
Sweetness.
(Photo credit: Josh Lane)
I know, I know, with wind speeds that top out at only 100 mph or so, it doesn’t really rank as much of a tornado on the EF scale. Even worse, I can already tell that some of you bitches are going to find a vertical column of spinning fire that’s both unstable and non-controllable a bit ho-hum. Well, make sure to check out the firestorm link then, for thy firestorm is truly the holy grail of all pyromania.
What? You still aren’t satisfied with the idea of a firestorm? Obviously this topic needs to be a bit more personalized for you. If you’re an American (or British), take pride in the fact that your county is apparently really, really good at making firestorms. Check out the Operation Gomorrah article to see just how your grandpappy did it (ultimately creating a 1,500-foot-high mega-firewhirl). Firebombs in WWII killed wayyyy more people then those nuclear whatevers that were used later in the war. Seriously.
As they say, be nice to America, or we’ll bring democracy to your county! (or at least fight a grueling proxy war before retreating in failure) :D
